This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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