Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
