Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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