Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
