And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
