It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
