He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
