Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
