where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
