I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
