just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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