ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
