I just found puke in my bra..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
