she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
