We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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