I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
