Having a random hookup so left but love u
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
