I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
