ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize