You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
