i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
