shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
