Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Floor bacon is actually really good
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
