I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
