my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize