i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
