I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Randomize
