He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
