i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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