I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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