and she was petting her beer can
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
NoShamevember. You game?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize