Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
