smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
