How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You need Xanax blowdarts
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
