In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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