Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Pants are for mortals
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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