PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
