I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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