now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
