I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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