C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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