he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
