he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
