We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
