I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
