He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
