Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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