he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
