oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize