Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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