the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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