Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I skipped work to stalk him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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