Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
