Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
