It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
