I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize