All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
