I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
