when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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