I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
