You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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