Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
handjob tips. give me some.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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