Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
