Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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